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This was my first psychedelic experience.

I grew my own Psilocybye Cubensis from spores ordered over the Internet. It took about 8 weeks to grow them.  Before the trip I fasted for 24 hours and thoroughly cleaned my space.

What I wrote in my diary as the experience was beginning….

No date
No Time

Words don’t work -> limit + trap really.  Half moon beautiful.
I wasn’t out of it – I was in with it.   You can’t say it.
The sky is beautiful.
control – self -others-any-stop
words words words

When I say I, I mean this corner of cosmic wholeness that WE US are see – this is when words short circuit.

I I I I I repeat one thousand times
"Are you with it?"
What do you mean with it – I am it!

[[drawing of a large circle]]

what I was trying to say exactly.  I’m good at words I can do words.  Order is perception we perceive and make orders because that what allows an ego to control.  There is no order black = all colours, white=no colour = 0

After that I could not write anymore until the next day my dairy is reproduced below –  notes are [in green]:

Sunday 5 April 1998
My Psychedelic Experience

It is very difficult to write about this as words cannot describe what I experienced.  My strongest sense was that words don’t work, they get in the way.  We need to shut off the internal dialog and just observe if we are to make progress.

I took 2 grams of dried powdered psilocybin cubensis at approximately 2:45.  I then went to the shop an bought some yogi sips [a brand of South African drinking yogurt] and popping chewing gum (still unconsumed) [At this stage expectation was of more of a fun, stoner type trippy colorful experience than a spiritual awakening]. I then sat in my room put some music on and showered.  I didn’t notice any real effects in the shower – I was feeling slightly nauseous, I then played with my block puzzle and kaleidoscope [At this point I still thought external toys might be necessary] (at this stage the Grateful Dead were on CD).

I was very giggly laughing at everything.  I thought of my friends and how fond of them I was.  I remember writing Robhug, which became robbug – I then drew a "Robbug" which had me in stitches. I remember then thinking I would walk to the beach and wandered around trying to get stuff together(fruit, stuff from the kitchen).  Good thing I didn’t make it as I was still peaking.

Pink Floyd then started playing and my experience intensified as I lay back on the bed with my eyes closed.  I had many visuals, fractals colours. I had a huge vibration in my hands and a burning in my face. I briefly thought I might be having an allergic reaction to some contaminants but I recognised that for what it was and let it go.The CD changed to the Escape Cd which was more unpleasant and I got to the CD player and put in Momentary Lapse of Reason [Pink Floyd].

The experience intensified even more from here and I experienced what I can only call Ego death but there are really no words for where I was or what happened [True but I am now willing to have a go. My body dissolved and my self dissolved.  there was no longer a sense of separation as I merged with and became everything.  Time stopped.  There was the sense of the cosmos gently pulsing.].  I had a dreamlike vision of Mexico blue seas and white sands. The process was not (the whole process not the Mexico part) what I would call pleasant yet it was very profound (a trite word compared to what happened). 

It seemed to end fairly suddenly and I bounded through to the kitchen giggling as I grasped fruit fromt the fridge. tore the fruit open like a monkey letting the juice drip down my chin – sharing with mischief [Flatmate’s dog] (What a dog, a bundle of desires, slobbering and eating with an erection.  I just enjoyed the grass and the sunset and the moon.  My good mood continued until 9pm when I became tired.

A couple of lessons.  Always be truthful, if you don’t know something ask – never be afraid of asking. Shut off the words.

The next few days I felt very tired after the experience.  This relates to my views of drugs and the spiritual experience which I will outline in another posting.

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