Archive for the ‘love’ Category

Sacred Partnership

For me nothing is harder to give up.  The dream of a holy partnership a love divine. The perfected man and the

perfected woman together in the ultimate holy union.  Shiva & Parvati, Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Krishna & Rada…

I’ve had this dream for as long as I can remember, and indeed for moments I have glimpsed the possibility of this

love. It never lasted but still perhaps I am not ripe.  Perhaps the right partner has not yet been met…

–The pearl of great price–

I have travelled far to reach the well
Nettles and thorns have taught me well

For just a sip I’ve travelled for years
battling my demons, overcoming my fears

My staff and shoes I’ve long lost
But the well is nigh – damn the cost

Just one sip and wisdom divine
will flow within these veins of mine

As I step forward and work the wheel
Mimir appeared – "break not the seal!"

"First you must pay the price I ask"
"What is it? Some heroic task?"

"No you must give up that you cannot."
"Anything, Anything. I’ll surrender the lot."

"The price is love of woman" said the crone
And I let out a mournful groan

"No partner will you have, no union of the soul
This is my price, this is the toll"

She knew this crone the ultimate price
My heart in twain she’d begun to slice

"Take my eye like Odin."
"Take my hand,"
"take both hands"
"take my health"
"Take my penis, take my courage, take my mind."
"no, no, no."

"Alright crone, take it then.
I give up love for wisdom’s ken"

Mimir chuckled and gave the faintest smile
"Come back when you mean it…you may be a while."


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Divine Love

One thing about moving into a new place is in the unpacking one discovers old posessions and diaries fraught with history :-).

Found an entry written in 1998 after an intense deep falling in love in Pune, and going through a major transformation and satori.  This was written on 24 December 1998…

"Emotions: I feel like my life has moved onto a different plane completely. The mundane concerns which occupied me are no longer relevant.  I could not even concieve the sort of existence which approaches.  The fear of becoing is there very strongly.  I however feel the momentum building, the pull of 12 o’clock is strong.  Heaven is tugging at me strongly.

Thoughts: We become so attached to the containers when it is the love itself that is important.  The container is not important, ‘I love you’ perpetuating the dualistic illusion.  People don’t want to hear this the beloved is so essential.  But it is just the spark, the flame once ignited burns independantly.  LOVE is the law.  AGAPE."

And this on the 30 of March 1999

"Shattered.  My emotions are scattered everywhere and the frightening thing is I think this may be a good thing.  My expectations about D..’s trip have not been met.  This is not some cozy love bubble.  She takes me completely outside of myself.  It feels often as though I’ve entered a different level of existence.  She penetrates me so powerfully and deeply I’m often struck dumb.  She asks me to express and I cannot, I can barely speak.  I don’t understand what effect I’m undergoing.  Its one thing experiencing the mystical in India but here where so much else is familiar.  It is truly terrifying and I often become afraid.  D…’s presence fills me with doubt where once I was so certain and sure nothing is solid anymore.

I recognise her so much, perhaps from previous incarnaions, perhaps from another plane but her touch is a familiar one.

We have not made love.  We have not even kissed.  I know that as I undergo a transformation in her presence she… – no this is not correct I do not understand her at all.

I’m feeling hurt and sad yet at the same time like I am transforming.  It is difficult.

Can one ever give up the dream of love?  Or is this attachment to the medum rather than the message.  How to let go of that attachment though?"

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Spring sap

PassionateSpring is here.  Sap is rising.  Couples are kissing everywhere. mmmmmmmmm…

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How often do we ask "why?" about our being in a relationship or wanting to be in one. Is it that you don’t like being alone or living alone? Is it that you want regular sex? Or maybe you want to have children? Or do you want love? Why do you want romantic love? And do you realise all romantic love is temporary and only divine love lasts?

For me its about personal growth. I want to be in a relationship because if I pay attention nothing help me growth as much. The first big spiritual shove I got was when my first love, Liza, split up with me. Soon after this I started practising ritual magick in earnest and this then lead to a year long groups study of Magick. I no longer do magick any more but it was the start of my spiritual commitment. I think many people fall into realtionships without thinking abut their motivation. For me its first and formeost growth. Oh yes and sex 🙂 – I am not ready for bramacharaya yet.

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Ah!  A relationship ended for me today and once again there is the realisation that nothing teaches as much as relationships and intimate relationships teach well..intimately. Also nothing can make you put your Self (true self) aside as much as romatic love.  This is its duality the possiblity for great learning and the posibility to get lost.

The wonderful thing is that there is now the beginning of an acceptance that endings are as important as beginnings.  Also to quote and old sports saying "it is not if you won or lost but how you played the game".  The game in this case being the divine leela of course :-).  So one starts to feel that if there is full respect for oneself and the other, if all actions come from the heart and not the ego then the ending is simply as it should be.

Of course everything is simply as it should be but even the mind starts to accept this when you get into and conduct relationships with the right spirit!

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Gabrielle is 5 today

SimongabrielleIt is so so sooo good to see her after way too long apart.

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TelephoneThey are by definition not in the NOW.  The fact is that in the present moment you ARE apart so your reference to the relationship relationship gets tangled by time. The relationship is either in memory (past) or in fantasy (future).

Of course relationships work best when they are grounded in present reality.  We often colour the past either rose or black depending on our present mood and we prejudice our future with a whole weight of dreams and expectations.  "Wait and see" is a good line for any emotion or plan you have while separated.

This seems to somewhat contradict the earlier point made about long distance relationships needing a finite duration – this is planning the future.  Yet living in the present does not preclude planning – it just precludes projection into "might be" and "wouldn’t it be great if".  Plan to be together then "wait and see" how it is.

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