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“When I started loving myself” apparently by Charlie Chaplin written on his 70th birthday on April 16, 1959:

When I started loving myself

I’ve understood that I’m always and at any given opportunity

in the right place at the right time.

And I’ve understood that all that happens is right –

from then on I could be calm.

Today I know: It’s called TRUST.

When I started to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody

When I try to force my desires on this person,

even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,

and even though this person was me.

Today I know: It’s called “RESPECT”.

When I started loving myself

I could recognize that emotional pain and grief

are just warnings for me to not live against my own truth.

Today I know: It’s called AUTHENTICALLY BEING.

When I started loving myself

I have stopped longing for another life

and could see that everything around me was a request to grow.

Today I know: It’s called MATURITY.

When I started loving myself

I’ve stopped depriving myself of my free time

and I’ve stopped sketching further magnificent projects for the future.

Today I only do what’s fun and joy for me,

what I love and what makes my heart laugh,

in my own way and in my tempo.

Today I know: it’s called HONESTY.

When I started loving myself

I’ve escaped from all what wasn’t healthy for me,

from dishes, people, things, situations

and from everyhting pulling me down and away from myself.

In the beginning I called it the “healthy egoism”,

but today I know: it’s called SELF-LOVE.

When I started loving myself

I’ve stopped wanting to be always right

thus I’ve been less wrong.

Today I’ve recognized: it’s called HUMBLENESS.

When I started loving myself

I’ve refused to live further in the past

and to worry about my future.

Now I live only at this moment where EVERYTHING takes place,

like this I live every day and I call it CONSCIOUSNESS.

When I started loving myself

I recognized, that my thinking

can make me miserable and sick.

When I though requested for my heart forces,

my mind got an important partner.

I call this connection today HEART WISDOM.

We do not need to fear further discussions,

conflicts and problems with ourselves and others

since even stars sometimes bang on each other

and create new worlds.

Today I know: THIS IS THIS LIFE!

I originally saw this at Mountain Who am I? but with some inconsistent formatting, then a further search revelaed a copy at Esteem News in 3 separate posts. The two are very very different, enough so to make me wonder if it is from Chaplin. I’ve compiled it and pulled it together here. Anyone know the definitive version, anyone know if this is really by Chaplin?


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More and more I am working (in the metaphysical sense) with friends who are battling to function in the world.  The demands of form drive them crazy.  Managing beauracracy, earning a living, looking after their bodies.  The biggest of these challenges seems to be dealing with money and earning a living.

In the process of spiritual awakening often an energetic shift  happens where our gears get somehow stripped – that is that portion of us, the cog which seemed to fit into the world and make things turn is no longer there.  We can no longer operate from the same ego and survival drives we had before and indeed do not want to.  But it leaves us strangely disconnected from the rest of humanity all scurrying around doing. When your self-worth or sense of purpose no longer depends on money or impressing the opposite sex or fame, recognition or security or impressing ones parents or not ending up like them – what is left?    After my awakening I spent a week living in the park before crashing with some of my friends in a squat & then close to a year after that wandering around barefoot doing what little it took to keep my body alive but hardly participating.

Sound familiar? 

It was my blessing to get stabbed twice and thus be brought back from this blissed yet also somehow unreal realm fully into this world with all its delight and tears. Intense prolonged pain was a fast shortcut back in but is not appropriate for most. There are gentler ways to get back in but first you need the motivation as why to engage again.

How about playing the game for its own sake? For the sheer joy of being in a body and being surrounded by the 10 000 fascinating things?  How about delighting in the fact that material existence gives us sex and chocloate brownies? How about figuring out something to do with our time here that is loving, creative, fun and juicy? GUYS jacking back in is important, spirit without matter is expressionless – the maya is also the leela. 

My friends who are sensing a dissatisfaction with being cut off, who do want to again play the game often end up engaging with me around the re-entry.  Seldom do they come right out and actually ask though, because as in the pre-awakened state we never know there is another level until we reach the false summit and see more clearly the next stage of the journey.

I swear to god maybe I am clumsy and new at it – but this work is like breaking in horses.  My friends ask for my help in the world beacuse they can sense I am operational again yet from true Will rather than from ego (mostly – I do keep finding the odd shard here or there) but then when I try and help they buck and bite, kick and scream.  Like having got out of the matirx there is no way they are even contemplating jacking back in.

Jack kornfield wrote a great book called “After the Ecstacy the Laundry: How the heart grows wise on the spiritual path”

For almost everyone who practices, cycles of awakening and openness are followed by periods of fear and contraction. Times of profound peace and newfound love are often overtaken by periods of loss, by closing up, fear, or the discovery of betrayal, only to be followed again by equanimity or joy. In mysterious ways the heart reveals itself to be like a flower that opens and closes. This is our nature.The only surprising thing is how unexpected this truth can be. It is as if deep down we all hope that some experience, some great realization, enough years of dedicated practice, might finally lift us beyond the touch of life, beyond the mundane struggles of the world. We cling to some hope that in spiritual life we can rise above the wounds of our human pain, never to have to suffer them again. We expect some experience to last. But permanence is not true freedom, not the sure heart’s release.

Every wise voyager learns that we cannot hold on to the last port of call, no matter how beautiful. To do so would be like holding our breath, creating a prison from our past. As one Zen master puts it:

“Enlightenment is only the beginning, is only a step of the journey. You can’t cling to that as a new identity or you’re in immediate trouble. You have to get back down into the messy business of life, to engage with life for years afterward. Only then can you integrate what you have learned. Only then can you learn perfect trust.”

So come on down and get back in its lovely here.

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Quick Eat as much as you canIts fascinating to see the gold rush mentality surface around Twitter and observe the reactions to it. It has become really apparent that Twitter is the next big thing and its amazing to watch the frenzy people go into as they energetically sense this new source of mana arising & rush to stake their piece of it.  It is so reminiscent of human behaviour during the rising of other such phenomena like the discovery of gold or during a sardine run. 


Joshua M. Epstein and Robert L. Axtell, researchers at the Brooking’s Institution created a  computer simulation to study social structures and group behaviors. Their program, named Sugarscape, simulates the behavior of artificial people (agents) located on a landscape of a generalized resource (sugar). Agents are born onto the Sugarscape with a vision, a metabolism, a speed, and other genetic attributes. Their movement is governed by a simple local rule: “look around as far as you can; find the spot with the most sugar; go there and eat the sugar.” Every time an agent moves, it burns sugar at an amount equal to its metabolic rate. Agents die if and when they burn up all their sugar. A remarkable range of social phenomena emerge.

It is amazing to see the actions of the agents as new mountains of sugar are created and they rush to colonise and farm them. Twitter is like seeing an Everest of sugar arise in Sugarscape. Initially many did not sense quite how big this particular sugar hill was going to be (I didn’t  despite signing up to Twitter in ’07 I only really started to use it in January ’09. And I am generally fairly early with the net –  usenet from ’92, running Linux in ’01,  blogging in ’04).  But now its becoming clear – its a mountain of googlesque proportions…and so the rush begins.

I love watching the ripples in the collective noosphere as these new sources arise. With the Internet these upwellings of energy have become global phenomena, and they are arriving with increasing rapidity.  We really are undergoing a massive shift in consciousness and surprisingly (at least to me) it is manifesting quite physically via the Internet.

It makes me wonder about certain spiritually very switched on friends who are not online, or not to any large extent – I can’t help feeling that despite their cultivated awareness, intuition and general expandedness they are missing out…are somehow stuck in an evolutionary Galapagos and being cut off from the net and what is happening here are in no way keeping pace and expanding to their full potential. 

This is why we spend so much time online and with tools like Twitter.  We are attaching ourselves to this heavy teat of psychic mana greedily sucking the juice down expanding our own awareness and simultaneously co-creating this vast global intelligence. Damn but I wish McLuhan was still around – I would love to see his take on it. We have some very able & insightful commentators namely Clay ShirkeyTim O’Reilly and Kevin Kelley (aside: what is it with these Celtic thinkers – there’s Joyce, Leary & McKenna too! Note-to-self, write essay examining Celtic magical/mythic consciousness and the Internet) but they a bit too technical and not quite esoteric(expanded) enough for my taste – and thus I must write.  

Mostly to scratch my own itch as it seems I have an audience of about 3 who are actually interested in the same bizarre mixture of art, esoterica and technology as I am.

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6 Anti-Job Rants

My first ever linkbaited, numerical list blog posting. I feel so deliciously slutty.

Paul Graham from incubator Y-Combinator on why humans are not meant to have bosses

Paul Graham looks at what large organizations do to people an makes and analogy with the animals he saw in the wild in Kenya.

Favourite bit:

Having seen that happen so many times is one of the things that convinces me that working for oneself, or at least for a small group, is the natural way for programmers to live. Founders arriving at Y Combinator often have the downtrodden air of refugees. Three months later they’re transformed: they have so much more confidence that they seem as if they’ve grown several inches taller. [4] Strange as this sounds, they seem both more worried and happier at the same time. Which is exactly how I’d describe the way lions seem in the wild.

Not an Employee

A website dedicated to not being an employee

Favourite Bit: 

The Sticker they made “Expeditus A Dominus”

Steve Pavlina Outlines 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job

A fabulous riff on why jobs are not actually more secure than self-employment/having a business & why the joys of slavery quickly pale.

Favourite Bit:

“When you want to increase your income, do you have to sit up and beg your master for more money?  Does it feel good to be thrown some extra Scooby Snacks now and then?”

Your Life as Pornography by Ran Prieur

A totally totally brilliant spoof/story by Ran Prieur of the Joys(!) of employment and what motivates us to do it.

Favourite Bit

He thought of the woman, her hot irresistible waiting body. “Uh, please Master, I beg you to let me be your slave…”
“Slave? We have no slaves! These are enlightened times.”
He sighed with relief. Perhaps the ordeal would not be so bad.
“Then what shall I be, Master?”
“You shall be my team member!”
what to your member?”
“Beg! Beg me for it!”
“Please, great Master, let me team your member.”
“Abase yourself! Convince me you are qualified!”
“Sir, I feel I am uniquely qualified to apply this position on your member. I am experienced in several very similar member positions, with other teams…”

Henry David Thoreau: Life Without Principal

Thoreau was, like Whitman, Kerouac and Kesey, that uniquely American flavour of sage.  In Walden he wrote one of the great books about dropping out. This essay is a look at a more natural kind of life – one where we are guided by an inner compass rather than being prodded and pulled by outside events.



Favourite bits:

To have done anything by which you earned money merely is to have been truly idle or worse. If the laborer gets no more than the wages which his employer pays him, he is cheated….

The community has no bribe that will tempt a wise man. You may raise money enough to tunnel a mountain, but you cannot raise money enough to hire a man who is minding his own business….

Perhaps I am more than usually jealous with respect to my freedom.

Tyler Durden: Fight Club

Need I say any more?

Favourite bit:

You are not your fuckin Khakis.

The above are why my (equal!) partners and I at Fizzy do not hire people and we make an effort to work with partners who do not hire people either. Personal sovereignty baby… second only to love on the priority list.

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Twitter is a fantastic tool – a meme accelerator par excellence. The interesting thing for me about it is it has become impossible to keep my worlds separate. I am an Internet entrepreneur, a teacher, a spiritual explorer, a tantrika, a filmmaker… – these selves all manifest on Twitter. One second I will be tweeting about building mailing lists and the next I will be sharing tantra tips or meditation techniques. Yet none of my followers seem particularity perturbed – no virtual stones have been thrown.

I think many of us have kept these parts of our lives discreet – not wanting people we work with to know about our personal lives, not wanting the people we pray with to know what we do for a living. The gaps I bridge can seem wide and the circles I travel in are diverse, yet nowadays people seem remarkably non-judgemental, the harshest judgements and fears often come from ourselves.

And so I find myself letting go of these fears and giving myself permission to be whole, to be truly who I am in every scenario.  Of course it is not necessarily appropriate to launch into sharing tantric practises when teaching a class on Internet Marketing (I hear my business  partners breathing sighs of relief) but neither will I shirk should a moment come when I reveal a bit more of my other facets.

Its a time of integration folks.  Osho tells a story:

A king went into his garden and found wilted and dying trees, shrubs and flowers. The oak said it was dying because it could not be tall like the pine. Turning to the pine, he found it drooping because it was unable to bear grapes like the vine. And the vine was dying because it could not blossom like the rose. He found Heart’s-ease blooming and as fresh as ever. Upon inquiry, he received this reply: 

“I took it for granted that when you planted me you wanted Heart’s-ease. If you had desired an oak, a vine or a rose, you would have planted them. So I thought that since you put me here, I should do the best I can to be what you want. I can be nothing but what I am, and I am trying to be that to the best of my ability.” 

You are here because this existence needs you as you are. Otherwise somebody else would have been here!–existence would not have helped you to be here, would not have created you. You are fulfilling something very essential, something very fundamental, as you are. If God wanted a Buddha he could have produced as many Buddhas as he wanted. He produced only one Buddha–that was enough, and he was satisfied to his heart’s desire, utterly satisfied. Since then he has not produced another Buddha or another Christ.  

He has created you instead. Just think of the respect that the universe has given to you! You have been chosen, not Buddha, not Christ, not Krishna. You will be needed more, that’s why. You fit more now. Their work is done, they contributed their fragrance to existence. Now you have to contribute your fragrance. 

This story is not just about being satisfied with being ourselves but also about being fully ourselves. Glorying in our height, our grapes, our flowers, our simplicity.  As we stop worrying how we are perceived so can we shed these layers and stand in our gifts and so realise the magnificence that is our birthright.  The more permission we give ourselves the more permission we give others to do the same.

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I came up with/was transmitted this meditation technique about 3 weeks ago. I’ve been doing every morning since then, it has been amazing. 3 days ago we inserted the “with ease” bit which has been a welcome addition

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The Transcendance of Money

250px-the_worship_of_mammonI was in the bath reading “The Richest Man in Babylon” lent to me by my friend, Donna McCallum.  The resistance is growing. with. every. page. It feels so contracted, like most people seem to be about money rich and poor alike.  Does money dance?  Does money sing? I hate so much what we have done with this energy.  When I see the esoteric symbols of control on our banknotes & when I consider how usury traps so many people’s energy and sucks it to a few, when I look at how people enslave themselves or others to gather it to them all of this is what caused me a few years ago to reject money. 

If you ask me I would say I have little desire for wealth itself.  Yet I desire a beautiful home, world travel, fine foods and clothes, to stage lavish theatrical productions, to make weird experimental films, to throw sumptuous parties, to attend numerous courses, to have leisure time to live.  All of which require money…So repulsion and compulsion. 

As a vajrayana practitioner I know that the quickest way to transcend is to go through and so for the past 2 years I have been struggling to get back into the matrix, to save, to start businesses and to try and earn wealth.  Now on the verge of another business venture there is again a fluttering in my chest a scream, a roar, an almighty “FFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!”. What is it about this energy that is so difficult to hold with love, ease and awareness?  I know I am not the only one who struggles with this.

I know all is in full polarity and so that which appears so dark and tangled must be equally light and free. To a not inconsiderable degree I have found this with sex and desire but not yet with money.  There are still knots. When I look at the body/mind complex called “Donald Trump” I see that as much if not more energy flowing than in the body mind complex called “His Holiness the Dalai Lama”. Yet the struggle to find the transcendance in it remains with the body mind complex sometimes called “Simon Tzu”.

Where is the transcendant book about money?  I’ve read perhaps 100 books about business and money and the closest I have come is John De Martini’s “How to make one hell of a profit and still go to heaven” yet John while a lovely well intentioned being is still as cheesy as hell and pretty high on the cringe scale.  Maybe that’s it – its not so much that money is not unspiritual but rather that is is somehow seriously uncool….or rather legally earned money is uncool. Money earned from stripping, prostitution or drug dealing is kinda cool.  What the fuck?!  

There is something there, something around the freedom that illegal activities imply.  Chaotic money?! Anarchic money?  Can there be such a thing?

I imagine a strange multilayered organic city ancient beyond measure filled with beasts and warlocks, druids and poet-sorcerers…where the money is  a strange species of tiny iridescent plane-shifting butterfly which descends on those filled with mana and appears at need, disappears if abused and  flits from one person to another depending on the true exchange of energy between them. It has its own whims and cannot be hoarded but only used in the moment…

Hmmm…got distracted.  Facing the sheer density of money and earning a living is challenging.  Actually the best book about money I have read is Bernard Lietaer’s “The Future of Money” which deals with alternate forms of currency not based upon debt and usury – so it is not really a book about money in its present form at all but where it might move to.


But still we have money and I am seeking its transcendence.  The polarity of the sticky controlling flows.  If I open the eye between the brows I see a blazing white sword. Is this it?  One thing which money

 does better than anything else is settle obligations.  If we consider the network of favours and obligations which build up between family members and friends over time these karmic cord prove almost impossible to unknot and yet it seems like money can settle so much.  When somebody does something for you and you pay them the correct amount – no knots, no cords. 

Perhaps this is it – money seems such a clean pure form of energy it is like a concentrated drug.  Our bodies handle opium poppy tea and chewing coca leaves quite easily yet if we use cocaine or heroin the essence of the plant is too distilled and throws our system out and unearths vast quantities of karmas which we are unready to deal with.  Money is the distillation of an exchange mechanism. 5 chickens for a goat becomes more abstract with metal coins, then more so with paper notes, then more so as money becomes purely digital, and now most of our money is represented by light pulsing down fibre optic cables.

Is money simply an incredibly powerful distilled energy which like crack cocaine has simply been concentrated too much for human consumption? Is our challenge in a varjrayana type approach to become clear enough to use it without becoming addicted, and without frying ourselves in the process?

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