The Transcendance of Money

250px-the_worship_of_mammonI was in the bath reading “The Richest Man in Babylon” lent to me by my friend, Donna McCallum.  The resistance is growing. with. every. page. It feels so contracted, like most people seem to be about money rich and poor alike.  Does money dance?  Does money sing? I hate so much what we have done with this energy.  When I see the esoteric symbols of control on our banknotes & when I consider how usury traps so many people’s energy and sucks it to a few, when I look at how people enslave themselves or others to gather it to them all of this is what caused me a few years ago to reject money. 

If you ask me I would say I have little desire for wealth itself.  Yet I desire a beautiful home, world travel, fine foods and clothes, to stage lavish theatrical productions, to make weird experimental films, to throw sumptuous parties, to attend numerous courses, to have leisure time to live.  All of which require money…So repulsion and compulsion. 

As a vajrayana practitioner I know that the quickest way to transcend is to go through and so for the past 2 years I have been struggling to get back into the matrix, to save, to start businesses and to try and earn wealth.  Now on the verge of another business venture there is again a fluttering in my chest a scream, a roar, an almighty “FFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!”. What is it about this energy that is so difficult to hold with love, ease and awareness?  I know I am not the only one who struggles with this.

I know all is in full polarity and so that which appears so dark and tangled must be equally light and free. To a not inconsiderable degree I have found this with sex and desire but not yet with money.  There are still knots. When I look at the body/mind complex called “Donald Trump” I see that as much if not more energy flowing than in the body mind complex called “His Holiness the Dalai Lama”. Yet the struggle to find the transcendance in it remains with the body mind complex sometimes called “Simon Tzu”.

Where is the transcendant book about money?  I’ve read perhaps 100 books about business and money and the closest I have come is John De Martini’s “How to make one hell of a profit and still go to heaven” yet John while a lovely well intentioned being is still as cheesy as hell and pretty high on the cringe scale.  Maybe that’s it – its not so much that money is not unspiritual but rather that is is somehow seriously uncool….or rather legally earned money is uncool. Money earned from stripping, prostitution or drug dealing is kinda cool.  What the fuck?!  

There is something there, something around the freedom that illegal activities imply.  Chaotic money?! Anarchic money?  Can there be such a thing?

I imagine a strange multilayered organic city ancient beyond measure filled with beasts and warlocks, druids and poet-sorcerers…where the money is  a strange species of tiny iridescent plane-shifting butterfly which descends on those filled with mana and appears at need, disappears if abused and  flits from one person to another depending on the true exchange of energy between them. It has its own whims and cannot be hoarded but only used in the moment…

Hmmm…got distracted.  Facing the sheer density of money and earning a living is challenging.  Actually the best book about money I have read is Bernard Lietaer’s “The Future of Money” which deals with alternate forms of currency not based upon debt and usury – so it is not really a book about money in its present form at all but where it might move to.


But still we have money and I am seeking its transcendence.  The polarity of the sticky controlling flows.  If I open the eye between the brows I see a blazing white sword. Is this it?  One thing which money

 does better than anything else is settle obligations.  If we consider the network of favours and obligations which build up between family members and friends over time these karmic cord prove almost impossible to unknot and yet it seems like money can settle so much.  When somebody does something for you and you pay them the correct amount – no knots, no cords. 

Perhaps this is it – money seems such a clean pure form of energy it is like a concentrated drug.  Our bodies handle opium poppy tea and chewing coca leaves quite easily yet if we use cocaine or heroin the essence of the plant is too distilled and throws our system out and unearths vast quantities of karmas which we are unready to deal with.  Money is the distillation of an exchange mechanism. 5 chickens for a goat becomes more abstract with metal coins, then more so with paper notes, then more so as money becomes purely digital, and now most of our money is represented by light pulsing down fibre optic cables.

Is money simply an incredibly powerful distilled energy which like crack cocaine has simply been concentrated too much for human consumption? Is our challenge in a varjrayana type approach to become clear enough to use it without becoming addicted, and without frying ourselves in the process?



So I am not better yet but I am feeling positive.  There is still a lot of pain into my right foot and heel from the damage to the sciatic nerve in my right leg.  Otherwise the wounds have healed and the leg is more or less whole. 

I have been told that the nerve damage may take up to 6 months to get better as nerve tissue recovers very slowly. The other theory is taht the pain may not be from the knife damaging the nerve but from internal scar tissue.  Here is what I am doing to get better,  been on this routine for about three weeks…


– Yoga and pranayama twice per day.  When I wake up and before I go to bed. I do a set of asanas then 12 ujay breaths, 6 rounds of kaplabhati, 6 rounds alternate nostril breathing and 6 rounds sitali. Finish in yoga nidra and then recite the healing mantra.

– Chi Kung once per day.  I do gathering and arousing chi exercises and stand in Wu Chi.

– Physiotherapy once per day.  To strengthen the leg I have a series of lifts to do front and back.  The physio says that strengthening the entire body will help so I am doing upper body exercise also.  Sit-ups, push-ups and pull-ups.

– Other things I do ocasionally but not every day.  Toning, Singing bowl, holding crystals over the wound, alternate cold and hot water, heat on the leg from a ehater or hot water bottle.


– Am taking herbs for nerve strenthening.  St John’s Wort and Ginko Biloba with Lobelia which potentiates them.

– Am taking Spirulina, Ginseng and Lecithin for general aminos and strength.

– Homeopathic remedies I use are Hypericum Perforatum 30c, Ledum 30c (now discontinued) and Calc Phos tissue salts (General tonic for  Capricorn)

– Was taking Tramadol for pain but have run out.  Currently not doing any pain killers as I don’t like the opiates, thay make me fuzzy. 

– Am taking 400mg ibruprofen with every meal to help with the swelling in my calf and right foot (the nerve damage makes the foot and leg respond by swelling, its an automatic response and we have not figured out an alternative yet)

– Ocasionally when the pain in the foot gets too tirining I put on a capsicum patch.  The path seems to create a pain very similar to the neural firing and when I take the patch off there is a few hours relief.  This seems to be a homeopathic type effect. like cures like.


– There is an Osho BodyMind CD which is excellent.  You externalise your illness as a guardian which has created a symptom as a means to communicate with you and protect you from something else.  You then thank your body for being a servant and ask what it needs from you.  Then you and the guardian try and come up with another mechanism for giving you this protection or information and letting the body heal.

– I also use a couple of hypnosis CDs for pain control.  The relief is onlt temporary but they work well at night to help me sleep.  The hemi-sync pain control & Constant Comfort by Richard Bandler.  I prefer the Bandler CD.


– Am painting almost daily and find it soothing.

– Have started smoking 2-3 roll-ups per day.  There is a lot of evidence that nicotine is good for nerves and the tobacco certainly has a soothign effect (it has lithium in it).  I have smoked small amounts on and off ofr years so am not worried about becoming addicited.

– I dance pretty much every day.  Music has been mainly chill-out, soul and trance with some pop thrown in.  Favourite song: Christina Aguilera – Fighter.  "After all you put me through you’d think I’d depise you but in the end I want to thank you, cos you made me that much stonger…thanks for making me a fighter."

– Have started a gratitude journal. Listing the things one is grateful for at least once per week really helps keep one’s spirits up – research has show that this is a powerful way to increase one’s level of happiness.

– Screaming sessions.  Every now and then the rage and frustration get pretty strong and so I go outside and screm long and loud.  The neighbours must love me…


– I consult with my GP quite often on the phone,  just to check what might be happening and what may work.  We are going to try a course of voltaren injections when I get back to Cape Town to see if we can soften the scar tissue in the wound site.

– When I can I get acupunture and dry needling for the pain.  Have had 2 sessions so far and they give me about 3 hours pain free and drop the pain from about a 6 to a 4 for a day.

– Cranio Sacral Therapy ocassionally.  I love this modality is goes really deep and I feel a big release every time I have it (have only gone twice so far). It also lasts the longest giving me relaxation and relief for up to 4 hours after the session with slighter effects up to the next day.  I wish I could afford to go more often.

HUGE thanks to all my healers who havd been helping me so far –  David, Daryl, Dean, Grant, Robyne, Rasada, Subodhi.  As you can see I am not shy about trying everything possible all at once.

Special thanks to my girlfriend and my Mom.  Crystal has been amazing, words cannot do justice to the amount of support,  strength and love she has given over this time.  My mom  has been so generous helping out with time, money and concern.

Send Love!!

So perhaps you hav been wondering why I’ve been AWOL…

A month ago I was stabbed twice while walking in Cape Town. I had just run my first ever workshop ("The Art of Attraction") and was due to meet the participants at a party and help them with their flirtations.  The workshop went great. 

My lift didn’t arrive and I don’t have a car so decided to walk in to the center of town.   En route I met some kids being pushed in a makeshift go-kart, down the main road at 9pm!  This amused me and we talked and connected as I pushed them a little bit.  The older kid at the back pointed around a corner into a side street.  As I pushed them into the side street I did not like the vibe and so returned to the main road quite quickly.  The older boy ran off – possibly to call others.  About 30 seconds after getting back on the main road 4 youths in their late teens appeared on the street behind me – I noticed knives glinting in the streetlights.  My mind thought was to stop and just hand over my wallet and phone, my feet did not think they simply ran – fast.  I was in tai chi slippers so kicked them off and ran in my socks.

The guys chased me  and  we all ran down the center of the main road.   

If you know Cape Town this happened in Sir Lowry main road Woodstock about 1km before The Castle…I was running into an even more deserted area.  Then a car coming the other way slowed down to see what was going on and I ran for the car.   Over here there is a blank spot, am missing about 30 seconds of memory. The next think I knew I was on the front bonnet of the car (over the passenger side window) hanging on to the roof rack banging on the roof for them to drive.  I knew I had been stabbed in the leg (I only later discovered I had also been satbbed in the shoulder).  He proceeded to accellerate really fast, it was quite exhilarating to be hanging onto the front of a fast moving car..

The driver of the car stopped outside Woodstock police station got out and snarled
"Get the fuck off my car"

"I’ve been stabbed can you take me to the hospital?"

"What the fuck were you doing? Buying drugs?"
"No I was walking to town. Can you take me to the hospital?"

"No – go to the police station."
"I can’t walk can you help me?"

The crawl to te police station was about 30 meters, I slid in leaving a thick trail of blood behind me like some huge red slug. At this stage my jeans were soaked from top to bottom, the wound was still pumping, I was trying to hold it closed but could feel warmth on my hand as I continued to leak.   The Police simply ignored me, I could feel their eyes slide off me.

"Please help"

"We’ve called an ambulance."

I desperately wanted someone to sit with me band maybe put a hand on me but they did not.  HIV infection is really common here and South Africans are terrified of it – so someone covered in blood was obviously pretty scary. At this stage I remember thinking "Oh Fuck.  I could be in real trouble".  I had lost a lot of blood and ambulances in South Africa are notoriously scarce and slow.

Then the guy who’s car I grabbed onto came into the police station and asked me if I wanted to phone someone. Oh yes! Of course I had my phone.  I called my flatmate Mark who was just around the corner. Then a senior policeman arrived and decided having someone die on the floor of the police station might not look great and perhaps they could take me to the hospital.

I was loaded into the back of the police van and driven at high speed to Groote Schuur a local public hospital. Thing is they neglected to close the door.   So there I was curled up on the metal floor holding desperately onto a bench so I didn’t slide out of the van.  The door was banging crazily and I briefly held it closed but then decided that putting pressure on the wound was actually much more important.

Arriving at the hospital I was met by my friend, housemate and landlord Mark. An ally at last!  It was good to see a friendly face.  Mark could not stay with me long though as we had to fill in admittance forms and give them medical insurance details before treatment.  Treatment…well my blood pressure wqas dangerously low so they hooked me up to a plasma drip but then I was not seen for ages. This being a public hospital and a Saturday night in South Africa I was waay down the triage list.

"Is a doctor coming soon?"
"No – they are dealing with 2 recusictations and a gunshot victim."

Anyway I have medical insurance (thanks mom!) and so Mark wisely decided to call an ambulance and get me the fuck out of there and into a private hospital.  This took a couple of hours. Once at the hospital a face pulled a tongue at me through the ambulance window and I burst out lauging in relief.   Arriving at City Park was the first time I really felt safe.   The face was Robyne’s – my friends Robyne and Adam who I was supposed to meet that night had come to meet me at the hospital.  Robyne is a also my yoga teacher and head of Brave a foundation helping people recover using yoga. Convienent huh?

The wounds have mostly healed but there is some nerve damage in the leg (which causes me constant pain) and I cannot walk properly yet.  There are also many emotional issues which have come up.  One of the realisations has been how insistent I have been on doing things alone and not asking for support.  Ridiculous!  I have so many wonderful friends.

So  friends please think of me, send some healing energy or say a little prayer – a note about where you are at would be wonderful.

Much love to you wherever you find yourself,


Bloodyjeans1Yep,  thats all blood on those jeans…




Living in Cape Town

So after a break of close on 8 months I’ve decided to post again.  Still paying  for the weblog service so why not use it…

Its been an intense and challenging move back to South Africa.  Dug around in the basement of my psyche  and dragged up all the old junk. Ewwwww… A lot of it is now melting in the Sunshine.  A bit more to go though.

Actually this is an essential part of the spiritual path,  clearing all the old patterns and structures.  As the title of a Jack Kornfield book puts it "After the Ecstacy, The Laundry". I now realise why Osho put so much emphasis on therapeutic work.

Posting Again

I am running this course next Saturday…




You know how it is when you know someone for years and you see they have huge potential but are perhaps not living it fully.  and then you separate from them for a while and when you look again there they are in full bloom….

It is so gorgeous it brings tears to the eyes.


Community Exchange System

South Africa has one of the most active alternative currency systems in the world.  Its here at: http://www.ces.org.za/ . The currency units are called Talents.

I earned my first Talents yesterday and it felt so good to conduct an exchange avoiding all the usual energetic knots and stories that come with debt based money.